


The perfect word for your feelings

by Engelenmaker



Series: The Rabbit Farm [1]
Category: Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
Genre: Angst, Canon Disabled Character, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Male Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Rabbits, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24803977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Engelenmaker/pseuds/Engelenmaker
Summary: Lennie tries to express his feelings for George.It doesn't go well.
Relationships: George Milton & Lennie Small
Series: The Rabbit Farm [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794052
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	The perfect word for your feelings

**Author's Note:**

> I know I posted this one before, but I wasn't happy with how it was so I rewrote some parts and I added like 1000 words to it.

  
The sun shining brightly early in the morning was a promise for a good day. Which was something that hadn't escaped Lennie's notice. Surrounded by his still groggy housemates - who all insisted they needed at least two cups of coffee to function properly - Lennie had been asking and begging for George to come and play outside together with the rabbits. 

George, having woken up hung over and with a splitting headache that morning, was not at all in the mood for his friend's usual whining and had gruffly instructed Lennie to leave him the hell alone.

"But George," Lennie cried, "You promised we would play with 'em today." 

George pinched the bridge of his nose as he remembered the accidental promise from a week ago.

His friend had bugged him all day asking to do something fun and George, half-ignoring Lennie, had answered, "Whennit's sunny." And it seems that the man who struggled to remember most important things had not forgotten those hurriedly uttered words. It almost drove George insane.

"Goddammit Lennie, why'd you always remember things like this and tha', but not what's important?" George complained.

Crooks, after taking a sip from his coffee replied somberly, "'Cause that's the only thing on his mind." There was a faint hint of annoyance in it and George noticed.

The man was always quick to put his walls up, hiding his softer and more vulnerable side with a show of grumpy wariness, only showing it to those who had earned it. Crooks proudly possessed a ready wit and a sharp tongue (though he knew when to hold it), something he had undoubtedly needed to get anywhere in life. After a few months of living together it had become easier for George to read the other.

Crooks was certainly just as fed up with all the yelling in the early morning as his other housemate, Candy. The older man however refrained from commenting, instead brooding over his breakfast in silence, his mind seemingly preoccupied with regret after drinking those cans of cheap beer so late into the night.

However, the lines in his face distorted as he frowned, a clear sign that he was indeed paying attention to it all. 

A calm and quiet man, Candy avoided confrontation as much as possible, instead opting to let Crooks do most of the talking. George noted that they worked well together despite being so vastly different - both men did have some things in common: they were hard-working and shared a love for order and peace (and need for security) so maybe that's why they got along. 

"That's right! I remembered it all week. You promised George, you promised." Lennie enthusiastically confirming broke George out of his reverie and brought him back to the present. 

Lennie's voice was laced with childish pride and he was sitting straight in his chair for once instead of hunching over like he normally did. It made his large frame more noticeable under his overalls, the solid muscles in his arms and shoulders tight with excitement. It contrasted heavily with his face; shapeless and almost tender-looking, there were no hard lines nor any sharp angles. His eyes held a boyish excitement in them, a pleading and almost dog-like stare. Eager to please and quick to be pleased. 

Even rough-around-the-edges George sometimes found it difficult to deny his friend.

"I know I did, Lennie," A heavy sigh escaped George with the beginning of guilt bubbling in his stomach. "Can't ya wait jus' a lil' longer?"

"But George-"

"For God's sake, jus' go play with them damn rabbits already. " Crooks grumpily interjected.

On the chair left of him Candy nodded in agreement and George let out an angry huff. He didn't like being singled out like this but it seemed like he had no choice since it was three against one. Crooks and Candy were a strong team and Lennie... was still Lennie. Maybe they all would have been in a better mood if they hadn't stayed up celebrating their growing farm by drinking until late into the night.

It was their own fault, really. 

Having settled down and obtaining a certain degree of freedom had changed them. They were still the men with the tired eyes and calloused hands but their spirits were high and a smile now graced their faces more often than not.

Perhaps they'd become a bit spoiled...

Reluctantly George stood up and rubbed the flat palm of his hand against his still throbbing forehead. "Alright, alright, " He narrowed his eyes at the giddy man at the opposite end of the table, "But not too long, we still gotta work."

Lennie's eyes lit up and he nodded eagerly, almost knocking over his chair in the process of getting up. "I promise George, I promise. Not too long."

And before the smaller man could reply or shout out in warning Lennie was already out the door and half stumbling over Theo who just came wandering in. 

The dog in question spotted his owner and strode over to Candy who visually cheered up as his tail wagging friend attempted to climb in Candy's lap despite his size.

George eyed them for a few seconds, content with how happy both master and dog looked before downing the last bit of coffee still in his mug. Then, George headed outside, closing the door behind him. He couldn't leave Lennie alone with the rabbits lest they would lose a few. It had happened before, albeit Lenny was gradually getting better.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Well, it wasn't as bad as George had thought it would be. There was still the nagging voice telling him he had work to do and money to make but the pain in his head had greatly lessened, leaving only a faint stabbing one now and then. 

absent-mindedly he stroked the spotted rabbit lying in his lap - courtesy of Lennie - and George felt himself gradually starting to relax, basking in the generous rays of the sun. The sounds of their chickens outside the coop and their sheep on the other side lulled him into a calm state of mind. Lennie always liked to imitate them as he worked and George was damned to say that the other was rather good at it. 

Speaking of Lennie, the man was sitting next to him with his legs crossed and rabbits climbing all over him. He was laughing and petting them and at one point George was sure he had heard him giggle when one of the furry mammals sniffed his bare arm.

"Aaah George, them rabbits are so soft," He lifted one up and rubbed his face against the animal's soft fur belly, smiling contentedly. " I wish we coul' do this every day."

George hummed, not even bothering to give a coherent reply as he leaned back in the grass and slowly felt his eyes close. He was tired and in pain. This was nice. Work could wait. Yes, to hell with it. He still had all day and Crooks and Candy were there too. Lennie, with the strength of two men combined was also a valuable asset. If he could lure him away from the rabbits that is...

"George?"

Ah, maybe Slim will drop by today. He did say he would come visit and it has been awhile since he last was here.

"George, are you asleep?"

Perhaps they could take the day off and then worry about the leftover work tomorrow. It would be a waste to just work on a beautiful day like this while it had been gray and rainy for weeks. Yeah, a day off... that sounded good. Real good. No disturbances, just sleeping all day. Perfect.

"Uuuh..."

George was starting to doze off, his mind getting blissfully hazy until something stirred on his left. Suddenly the warmth of the sun was gone from his skin and a waft of wet air was blown against his nose. It smelled like bacon and eggs. 

Shit.

He was wide awake in an instant. Instincts working faster than his brain, snapping his eyes open and lifting his head from the pillow of grass in a hurry. Unfortunately 'up' meant that George went in the direction of what he wanted to avoid and thus he collided face-first with Lennie, who had hovered above him, his face only mere inches away.

The sound of the impact was of a hollow sort, like two heavy wooden bowls smacking against each other. There was a hard, wet and sudden pressure on his lips and pain exploded from his forehead where it had bashed against Lennie's. The kiss that the other had tried to initiate was clumsy and painful, their teeth pressed together between the flesh of their mouths and George faintly tasted blood for the small second that it lasted as George's head had bounced back down after their collision.

Before Lennie could react the other man was already scrambling away from him, accidentally flinging the shaken rabbit of his lap while doing so.

George was too shocked to truly process what had happened until he was up and walking, his body automatically distancing himself from Lennie. He pressed a hand against his forehead, before letting it slide down to his equally sore mouth in utter bewilderment.

Lennie's expression probably mirrored his own, albeit displayed on different features. A small streak of blood had started to form on his lower lip. He was startled and so were the rabbits, their thundering footfalls audible as they ran away from all the commotion.

Lennie saw his friend's face darken and hopelessly wrecked his brain for words. Apologies. Explanations. Anything. It didn't matter what as long as George wasn't angry with him.

"George, I-"

"The fuck is wrong with you?"

George's voice carried over the pasture, his tone harsh and Lennie immediately shrunk back, feeling dread settle horribly in the pit of his stomach. He didn't think he had ever felt this way before, at least, not that he could remember. 

This was wrong, so wrong. Cold sweat made his clothes stick to his skin with every breath. 

George was so upset but he hadn't meant to make him mad. Truly! 

Lennie wanted his friend back to normal, like how he was before. He didn't like it when George was angry, when George hated him and wanted him gone. If Lennie had known the outcome, he wouldn't have - he wouldn't have...

A sudden tightness in his chest made Lennie rattle out a strange sound, a poor attempt at speech that didn't live long. Lennie didn't realize that he was crying, even when his vision blurred and George was all but a dark, angry figure in the sun's harsh light.

"Are you outta ya goddamn mind? I knew ya were a crazy bastard but fucking hell, Lennie!"

George himself didn't know where it all came from, this sudden outburst of anger, but the words just tumbled out and there was no stopping them and taking them back now. 

Sure, Lennie had fucked up before, but this? This was something George wasn't accustomed to. That little barrier between them, that really fine line that shouldn't have been broken, it was gone and now he was exposed. 

George didn't like it one bit.

George's heart was beating wildly and his head felt like it was going to burst. Why did Lennie do that? Goddamn bastard always doing crazy things, always getting them in trouble. Goddamnit!

He couldn't help but grid his teeth as his vision started swimming, holding his face in both hands. George was swaying a little as he took a step back and bitterly he wondered if he would pass out. Maybe that would be better.

Lennie's gasps disappeared from his mind until all George heard was his own heartbeat.

In the distance the patio door opened and Crooks and Candy, alerted by the ruckus, stepped out with Theo hot on their heels. The men exchanged worried glances as they both neared the pasture and briefly wondered if they should have brought something just to be safe. 

This normally didn't happen... whatever it was that had happened.

George was breathing hard. He felt tired after his short outburst and he really didn't feel well. A few steps in front him there was a distraught Lennie with a bloody lip, gasping for air through his tears.

"What happened, George? What did he do?" Candy asked warily, scooting down to hold back Theo from jumping over, not taking his eyes off the two men. Next to him Crooks carefully stepped over the fence made of wood and gauze and slowly but steadily made his way over to the two men.

George didn't answer. Couldn't answer. It seemed as if he had gotten stuck. Limbs chained down and heavy, his mind sedated by blinding pain. It was all so foggy...all until he felt a warm but hesitant hand on his shoulder and George suddenly regained himself again.

"You okay?" Crooks' voice was low and the words sharp, but George knew that the other worried simply by the tone of his voice and the look in his dark eyes. A solid brown, light enough to separate the iris from pupil. It matched Crooks' skin which was rich in colour and looked so warm and healthy in the sun. His brows furrowed, the lines on his face were more noticeable now; the little wrinkles under his eyes and those at the edge of his cheeks. His attire was simple yet sharp, accentuating Crooks' serious nature.

At this moment his calmness really threw George off.

George blinked a few times, sluggishly trying to focus on Crooks' face through the gradually thinning haze and not on the disturbing sounds of Lennie's audible panic. Instead of answering, George stepped back and Crooks' hand fell from his shoulder. Crooks stared at him for a moment, assessing the state George was in. Seemingly satisfied that the other wouldn't topple over at the moment, the man turned his attention to Lennie.

George didn't stay around to watch. He needed to breath, needed to get out of here. With trembling hands, he stepped over the fence and unsteadily hurried past both Candy and Theo, the former watching George's retreating back in unguarded concern.

Candy called out to him, that he couldn't go wandering off in that condition.

His words bounced off the younger man's back unanswered.

Rather than going inside and hiding in his room, George staggered towards the forest. It didn't matter where he went, he just needed to leave. The sounds of the forest drowned out that what he was walking away from as he followed the dirt path into the darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> It's been debated to hell and back on what Lennie actually has. Since he's not a real person, it is of course hard to diagnose him with anything. For me, I think Lennie has autism with an intellectual disabilty and schizophrenia. So that's how I will try to write him.


End file.
